With credit to George Carlin, everyone with a drivers license will be issued a dart gun and 10 rubber darts. Someone does something stupid in traffic, you shoot their car. Police can simply pull over anyone with more than 3 darts on their car for being an idiot.

Car gas tank caps will always be located on the drivers side——Because there’s ALWAYS someone driving the car….

All cars in Vermont, Maine, and New Hampshire must be outfitted with huge dual airbags—because a Moose is a big damn animal to hit…

Cell phones in cars will be hands free, will only work when the car is stopped or driving within +/-5 mph of the posted speed limit, and the phone number must be the same as the license plate——Because you should be able to call someone and tell them they’re driving like an idiot….

All highways nationwide will have the same 75 mph speed limit——because it’s annoying as hell, and expensive, to suddenly find yourself doing 75 in a 55.

The police will be required to write at least as many tickets for people driving too SLOW as they do for people driving too fast——Because slow people are almost as dangerous and far more annoying.

No more small town speed traps or unmarked police cars—Because that’s simply not fair. But GOOD creative hiding places for police cars WILL be allowed——Because that’s simply good sportsmanship.

Turn signals in ALL cars will automatically go off after 60 seconds.

Anyone caught driving a $75,000 sports car below the legal speed limit will have the car taken away and given to someone who knows how to drive it.

Category: King of the World

All hotel pillows will be required to be fluffly and comfortable, no more than one year old, and each bed will be required to have a minimum of four pillows for guests to use at their discretion.

All hotel showers must be high pressure, adjustable, with plenty of hot water, or the night is free.

All hotel door card key systems will work the same way.

There will always be a working light switch right next to the door, fresh batteries in the tv remote, and at least one FREE bottle of water in the room. And if you hide the remote, I get to keep the tv.

Category: King of the World

All telephone voice mail systems will operate the same way with the same access code structures.
1 will always start recording immediately.
2 will always save your message
3 will always delete the message
0 will always get you out of voicemail to the operator

It’s insane that Verizon voicemail in my office and on my cellphone use different sets of command codes.
It’s insane that ANY company would use a complicated voicemail system where O doesn’t get you out to the operator.

Category: King of the World