Appetizers in restaurants will always be served in quantities that are evenly divisible by the number of people at your table.

Anyone who stops dead in the middle of an aisle/walkway/concourse thus tying up everyone behind them will be fined $100.

Spandex clothing and thong bikini’s and underwear in will only be made in small and medium. I’m not a skinny man myself, but at least I have some decency….

Criminals who are convicted of really stupid crimes, or who are caught in a really stupid way, will have their sentences doubled to cleanse the gene pool.

College students will always get first crack on the best sideline seats for a college football game.

Corporate suits will be limited to 25% of the prime seats at a pro game, and long time fans will only face small price increases each year so they can keep prime seats in the hands of those who really care.

Fans will not be allowed to taunt another team’s player with a sing-song chorus of his name when that player is actually playing great——Because that’s just dumb….

With due credit to the great Rick Reilly: A parent must be able to defeat his kid in a sport, playing lefthanded, before screaming advice at him from the sidelines.

Baseball batters may not step out of the batter’s box to adjust their gloves and equipment if they didn’t swing. Yes, that means you Nomar.

Any baseball or puck hit into the crowd must be given to the nearest kid. Any adult who muscles kids out of the way to get a loose ball or puck will have the ball/puck confiscated and will be ejected from the game. Season ticket holders will lose their seats.

All cash machines and credit card swipe machines will all work exactly the same way——because its annoying as hell to have to figure out each new method

Grocery carts will be destroyed the minute ANY of their wheels malfunction.

Anyone who leaves a grocery cart randomly in the parking lot instead of returning it to the cart corrals will be sentenced to 60 days of community service collecting carts in the parking lot——to be served mid December thru Christmas, the coldest days of January, Memorial Day weekend, July 4th weekend, and the middle of August.

Restaurants that automatically include the server’s tip in the total will have to highlight it in bright red ink.

Fast food restaurants will all have the same operating hours, every day, and will be required to include free ketchup in the bag without me asking..

One master membership card will work in all of the movie rental stores in the entire world.

Long distance phone calls to nearby towns will not cost more than cross-country calls to California. Ditto airplane flights.

Videos that misrepresent the subject of the movie or the people in the movie on the cover will be erased and taped over.

The word RELEVANT will be spelled relAvEnt the way it should be.
The word EXPERTISE will be spelled experTEASE the way it should be.
The invisible P in Clemson will be added so it’s spelled Clempson as it sounds.

Politicians that lie will have their. . .
Nevermind, I’m only the King of the world, I’m not God.

Category: King of the World